Commuting Comedy Fan Gifts

"I know there are people who look like their pets, but..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"When is my next parole hearing?"

Giraffe Umbrella

Bad fake tan day.

QUINTUPLE BYPASSES EXPLAINED.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Vlad the Impala

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

A Fairytale Update

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

'I used to commute. Now I transform.'

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Out damn Spot

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

'Camping is nature's way of promoting B&Bs.'

'Just follow these simple instructions.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"That is an outrageous slur."