Dishwashing Dialogues Gifts

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

Meet the Enemy

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Correct Comics *Drawn By A Vegetarian On Acid-Free Recycled Paper In A Drug-Free Environment

Kitchen Tetris

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"How about a hand."

Dialogue

'I'm down to a pack of neuroses a day.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

"Of course, that's just my opinion. If you want my professional opinion it will cost you."

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Can you mumble, mumble mumble? You're mumbling. What are you saying? I'm asking for your mumble, mumble. You're asking for my help? I can't get the word out. Can I get a little mumble? Mumble.

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

A lesson in wit

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"You might be poor and ugly but you're the only one who didn't blather about politics and climate change after ten minutes. What's your name? Marry me!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

"I find it a very good conversation starter."

'Sorry, what was that?'

"How can you just sit there, wrapped in your own safe little world, when you know there are millions of squirrels out there?"

'you should know my wife thinks I'm stupid.'