Dishwashing Detective Gifts

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

The Missing Sock Returns

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Kitchen Tetris

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"So that's where all the socks ended up!"

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Don't tell him anything."

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

'After you with the camouflage.'

How is your soup, sir? Speaking for myself, it looks pretty good. I can't speak for the fly, of course.

Missing sock

'Mine was stone cold.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

The Complete Cycle.

Plane with banner shoots at another.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'The Search ended today when the authorities traced the runaway pair. . .'

'There's something wrong with the slow cooker. I check it every minute but nothing's cooking!'