Disaster Dramatist Gifts

'One day, this will make a wonderful metaphor.'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

Rats deserting a sinking ship

"No word from the company – but, it's clear that this is a major spill."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

Suez Canal Curse

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

'Don't panic, folks! It's red ink, not blood!

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

I know they told me not to bark

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

''Intelligent design'? -- Why, those patronizing little twerps!'

'... and I almost want to thank my pharmacist.'

'Get the stretcher! He's got a mole on his leg that looks a little funky!!'

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

Man with mobile phone says: 'I can't call for help, I'm filming this for the TV news.'

'Unusual weather for June'

"OK, now here comes the lava."

Stretcher Header.

Luck

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

"Where's the fire, pal?"

Tony Hayward.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Pack Your Bags

'Some day, son, all of this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Wanted for Arson: El ni?o'

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'

Forest Fire Hazard