Disaster Comedians Gifts

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Suez Canal Curse

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

igloo smoking zone...

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'You called a plumber!'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

Luck

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Banana Midlife Crisis

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

'I can see the sea!'

Flood victims see travel agent's advertising Venice

'If you remember, the last thing I said before the ship went down was, 'don't forget to bring the ball'.'

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'

'Don't get involved.'

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

Forest Fire Hazard

"... Till death us do part."

'When the fire department arrives, Ms. Lilly... send them right in!'

'Oh, no -- not again!'