Disaster Comedian Gifts

Paris experiences worst flooding in 30 years

'Well, there's something you don't see every day'

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"Ya know, that cork was there for a reason."

'I forgot to cancel the milk!'

There's a lot of crying out there! Looks like we were gnawing on the internet cable...

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

"Find out who's got the licensing rights for this Armageddon thing and get them on the phone - quickly."

Suez Canal Curse

A child with a parasol is blown off the Chain Pier in Brighton

"I think we can agree that the bridge collapsing is not a good thing."

"Hurry up and make a wish. Your cake's in there."

Drunks brought into A&E: Alcohol and Emergent Sick.

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"OK, now here comes the lava."

'You called a plumber!'

"I'm charging extra to remove the duct tape you thought would work."

"Yes you successfully removed the trip hazard, but with hindsight..."

Luck

One of Indonesia's most feared Volcanoes: The mighty 'Kraka-toe-a'.

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

'Mr. President, our scientist say that the earthquake was caused by an unnamed fault in the Earth's crust.', 'Excellent! -- We'll call it 'Bush's Fault.''

Flood victims see travel agent's advertising Venice

'If you remember, the last thing I said before the ship went down was, 'don't forget to bring the ball'.'

'I can see the sea!'

'. . . If you need immediate help with the floods I understand Mrs Miggins at No. 9 has a canoe!'

The end is nigh.

'When the fire department arrives, Ms. Lilly... send them right in!'

"You have a very long fault line. That's why your hands are trembling."

'Pretend you don't notice San Andreas.'

"So apart from the minor hiccup...how was your cruise?"