Dinner Detectives T-Shirts

A man unhappy that his steak has been partially eaten by someone else

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Try to guess the continent dining...

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Number 2. Step forward please."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Mother to son, regarding stolen cake: 'I don't need to check anything with 'the boys in forensics' I know it was you.'

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"What the heck did I do with that leftover turkey?!"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"Don't tell him anything."

Turkey Autopsy