Diner Detective T-Shirts

"Hey!-This looks like a good place!"

How Bad Could It Be?

Original Rory's - Under New MGMT.

"We're well known for our freshly cooked food. Your order will be ready in a few minutes, Madame."

'The orange roughy looks good.'

"A clean glass will cost a little extra."

"You asked for the soup of the day, you didn't specify what day."

"Where do we put Desserts?"

Try to guess the continent dining...

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'How is the water prepared?'

'Waiter, there's a Fly-Agaric in my soup.'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

"And finally the chef's surprise - the check!"

"Don't tell him anything."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"I'll have your check in a moment, sir."

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'I said, 'I'd like to see the chef!''

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

'Mine was stone cold.'

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

Plane with banner shoots at another.

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'