Dining Disaster Aficionado Gifts

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

"Waiter, there seems to be a toupee in my soup."

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Okay, let me guess...we're eating baked ham and meat loaf on a bed of fish sticks because you combined all the leftovers...

"My dad ate my homework."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"Of course it tastes like chicken. That's why it's called the 'tuna surprise'."

"No, no, no, my wife said she'll have a quiche!"

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"No, he isn't choking. He coughed."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Say when!"

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Sneezing dragon.

'Here we put the emphasis exclusively on the food!'

'How was the snapper, sir?'

''Honey!...Have you seen the brussel sprout casserole I made for dinner tonight?'

'Tell Luigi to be a lottle more careful with the pepper.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"Gesundheit!"

Murphy's Slaw.

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

Smelly fish.

"It's a tad undercooked."

"I'm sorry, the sesame peanut dressing is not agreeing with him."

"How is everything?"