Culinary Disaster Aficionados Gifts

"My dad ate my homework."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Do you want ketchup on your steak too?"

'My hero!'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'I'm sorry we put bearnaise sauce on your fillet by mistake. Randy will have it off there in a jiffy.'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"The scallops were delicious, but the fork was dismal!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"Are you still waiting for the pancake to come down?"

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

Smelly fish.

Sandwich Fail

"How is everything?"

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

"Okay, let's eat."

"I'm sorry, the sesame peanut dressing is not agreeing with him."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'