Culinary Disaster Gifts

"Okay, let's eat."

Is that pancake ready yet?

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'My hero!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"My dad ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"Are you still waiting for the pancake to come down?"

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"And you say this was the serving suggestion?"

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Smelly fish.

Sandwich Fail

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'