Culinary Disaster Observer Gifts

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'My hero!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"My dad ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"Are you still waiting for the pancake to come down?"

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Smelly fish.

"A vegetarian option...? Certainly Madam, through the door on your left."

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Sandwich Fail

"Okay, let's eat."

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Of course I've burnt your dinner. You're in hell!'

"Think of it as cajun blackened oatmeal."