Culinary Disaster Survivor Gifts

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

"For what we were about to receive has been postponed."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

'Of course I've burnt your dinner. You're in hell!'

"Think of it as cajun blackened oatmeal."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Is that pancake ready yet?

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'My hero!'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"My dad ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'