Culinary Disaster Survivors Gifts

"Ofelia's cooking has gotten a lot more edible."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

'My hero!'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"My dad ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'On second thoughts I think I'll have salad.'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Murphy's Slaw.

Smelly fish.