Kitchen Catastrophe Survivor Gifts

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'My hero!'

Gone To Hospital.

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Anybody for breakfast?'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."