Kitchen Catastrophe Veteran Gifts

"I don't think I've ever seen such a blazing inferno! Except the time you cooked an apple crumble."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'My hero!'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"Honey, dinner's ready! I just have to find it."

"Darling? When you said, 'they had a fire damage sale at the grocery store'..."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Punch Initials - T