Kitchen Disaster Survivor Gifts

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"As soon as it clusters into a cultural bubble, it's done."

"Prob-lo-Matic"

"No point crying over spilt milk, blackened toast, burnt bacon and ruined eggs."

"You're the only one getting fat around here, Rex!"

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'My hero!'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

'Is it still edible?'

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

'That must be a television FIRST - Jamie Oliver burning the roast!'

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

Murphy's Slaw.