Kitchen Disasters Gifts

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'My hero!'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Is it still edible?'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"