Kitchen Calamity Expert Gifts

I left the milk out in a sunny spot on the counter today. In this case "warm and fuzzy" is not a good thing.

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

All sizzle and no roast

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."