Kitchen Calamity Enthusiast Gifts

Roasted

'Yeah, Hon - is the microwave supposed to glow redhot?'

Grim hands man with a broken toaster a fork.

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"The recipe said to stand in hot water for ten minutes."

'We'll have to eat out tonight - the meatloaf turned on me.'

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Larry's made new friends learning to cook. He knows everyone at the Recipe Emergency Hotline."

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

To her, the four basic food groups are canned, frozen, fast and delivered.

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.