Kitchen Calamity Aficionado Gifts

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

Roasted

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

Just out of the oven, Jacque's head is filled with the irresistible aroma of freshly baked brioche.

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"What are you looking up, recipes for disaster?"

"...Oh no, not you. You couldn't be satisfied with one saucepan..."

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"I hope you like your curry hot."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

Sandwich Fail