Kitchen Catastrophes Gifts

'It says to put the potatoes in a pan of water but it doesn't say whether to use still or sparkling.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Roasted

'Something new for Sunday lunch today - Corned-beef sandwiches!'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'Anybody for breakfast?'

'My hero!'

"It was meant to be a surprise romantic dinner for two, but to cut a long story short, it's been a recipe for disaster."

A short-order cook gets sucked into the exhaust vent over the grill.

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'What we were about to receive has gone the way of all flesh.'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

Paramedics carrying a man away after his dinner.

"Oh, very funny. If you don't like my cooking just say so!"

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"That's not the boiling oil, that's my casserole!"

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"