Cooking Disaster Survivor Gifts

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Snow & Flo series: Questionable cooking.

'My hero!'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"Do you mind if your soup is a bit crunchy?"

Chinese restaurant: In case of emergency break glass (Knife and fork).

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Today was a bit of a disaster.' - 'First I cut my finger and bled everywhere, then I lost my plaster while I was cooking.' - 'Do you want the last bowl of pumpkin soup?' - 'No, it's okay. You go for it.'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"I never use the oven timer. The smoke alarms are louder."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'May I have your attention! I dropped my car keys in the soup, if you find them, please return them. They're my only set.'

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

"Is this dinner or the effects of global warming?"

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'Don't worry, it's all dark meat.'

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

Murphy's Slaw.

'You must be the only wife who uses a smoke alarm as a food timer!'

'You idiot! I said don't forget to thaw the turkey!'

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'