Cooking Disaster Expert Gifts

"Elaine! The avocados are ripe—what do we do? What do we do?"

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

Roasted

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

'My hero!'

'The casserole didn't make it.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

'Oh, hi!... yes, we have another emergency... make it the usual, and you know the address!'

'Not beans on toast again.' - 'No, toast on beans. I dropped it.'

'We've finished the dishes, Miss. Jenny washes, I wiped, and Susan picked up all the pieces.'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"Maybe we were wrong to hire him just because he looks good in paper."

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

'Honey, I think you have an error message coming in from the kitchen.'

"The fire department ruined dinner."

'Is it still edible?'

"I know I said I was hungry, but I'm not that hungry."

Dave's How to Puke Book.

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

"Whoa! That's a lot of flame, Beth. I'll pick up a fire extinguisher on my way back from the gym."

"Daddy tries to cook, but all his meals begin in a can and end up in one."

'Please stand by. We have temporary loss of your roast.'

"Well it's either my dinner or my shirt."

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'Not to worry Flo - It's only Sid's dinner.'

Honey, come eat your oatmeal before it sets!

'It finally happened. We have so many dishes in the sink with unidentifiable crud stuck to them that they spontaneously combusted.'

Setting fire to the Christmas Pud.

"Your dinner will be later than expected, but how much later depends on where you go for it."

"How did you know we were having pancake flambe again?"

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

'That new recipe didn't quite work out. Do you fancy popping down to the chippy?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

The Origin of Volcanic Eruptions.