Culinary Catastrophe Observer Gifts

"I'd say another twenty minutes before plating. We'll know once the swearing gets really desperate."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Is that pancake ready yet?

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"I'm here to fix the lasagne."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"I followed the recipe and this is where it led me."

'Do you mind if I smoke?'

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

"A vegetarian option...? Certainly Madam, through the door on your left."

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

Murphy's Slaw.

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Sandwich Fail

Smoke gets in your eyes.

"Okay, let's eat."

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Of course I've burnt your dinner. You're in hell!'