Culinary Catastrophes Gifts

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Is that pancake ready yet?

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

"My dad ate my homework."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

"Oh my god- the salad's on fire!"

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

Murphy's Slaw.

"Okay, let's eat."

Smelly fish.

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

Smoke gets in your eyes.

Sandwich Fail

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'Of course I've burnt your dinner. You're in hell!'

'I'll never look at a cheese omelette ever again!'

"Think of it as cajun blackened oatmeal."

"I'd say another twenty minutes before plating. We'll know once the swearing gets really desperate."