Dine And Dash Humorist Gifts

Sound horn for service.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"Knife...fork..."

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Just bring us your best beers-all of 'em.'

"We're gonna need a bigger gravy boat!"