Dine And Dash Humorist Pillows

Sound horn for service.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

"You folks like a little something?"

'Do you happen to have a scratch-and-sniff menu?'

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

"We're gonna need a bigger gravy boat!"

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'