Dine And Dash Prankster Pillows

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"More helium."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

Doughnut Criminals

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

'Great! you ate the waiter, now how am I going to order!?'

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Pizza Exam: 'Just deliver it around the back of 'B' block. The money will be by the window. . .'

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

Work stress.

Fitz wasn't sure if this was a legitimate rescue or just more culinary trickery.

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

Which of you jokers swapped my apron for this?

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

'Give me a size 12 please.'

'Now see, we couldn't have this kind of fun, if we met online.'

'Next time YOU pronounce it!'

'Third quarter profits are down 3%, but we're expecting a rise in - Johnson! For the last time, stop trying to pick my nose!'

"Why is this egg roll pink with purple and yellow stripes?"

Special - Day Old Cones

"I think that last cone was more than a warning."

All Roads Go Nowhere.