Dine-and-dash Artist Pillows

"I need a doggy bag please, I have a room mate to feed."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Dali Chooses a Lobster

"It's Chicken Mole!"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"Would you mind telling me why you keep hitting a scary-music sound bite every time you pick up your steak knife?"

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'Given the date, they must be organic.'

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"The pink ones are sashimi, and I believe the little yellow ones just fell off the Pollock."

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

Man eating his meal with his feet.

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

"What will change my life?"

"Hi again. Can I just check whether you enjoyed me interrupting your meal five minutes ago to ask whether you were enjoying your meal?"

"I hope you like smoked salmon."

'Thaw for 24 hours. They should have told me that yesterday.'

"Waiter - this dish doesn't contain enough adjectives..!"

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

"I don't see one damn thing we haven't eaten before."

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

"Here are Monsieur Limace, our sommelier, Monsiere Juron, chef de Cuisine and Mr Kruigshenk, specialist for the beheading of breakfast eggs."

'Here comes the bill.'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'