Restaurant Prankster Pillows

'Waiter, could I have another glass? This one has someone drinking out of it.'

'I think I've got one, Doris!'

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'I bet you think I'm drinking tea...'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

Man opens refrigerator which promptly burps.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"First day back at work. Don't forget to get some office stationery."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

"I'm not trying to freak you out, but your eel roll is moving."

'This isn't a non-profit-making organization you know! Or at least, it wasn't until you started working here!'

"More helium."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'Where's your costume and team spirit? You're not paid to enjoy yourself - you should enjoy your work!'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Thank you for the turkey, thank you for the dressing, and thank you for the squash, which Mother cleverly refers to as pumpkin pie.'

"Now now, what have I told you about using your zombie knife at the dinner table..."

Doughnut Criminals

Budget Cuts

'Word to the wise: Always check the cheese for pills.'

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

Mock Apple Pie Recipe

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

'Ordinarily I wouldn't do anything like that, Mr. Hubbard, but I just hit $2 million in the lottery!'

'It's too early to start being good for Christmas. I always wait until at least the Thanksgiving left-overs are all gone.'

'Great! you ate the waiter, now how am I going to order!?'

'Here's one I nicked earlier.'

Stock Cube Crossing

"You're back in the office now. Leave your voodoo dolls where they belong... at home."