Dine-out Humorist Pillows

The last word in Alphabet Soup.

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'If you mean Janet, she works the late shift.'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'I didn't find a finger in my chili!'

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

Lunch Broker

"You folks like a little something?"

"Oh, don't worry about that—it only goes off when someone taps 'no tip.'"

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

'Freezer is on the blink.'

"Table five looks good. We’ll have that."

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'Sorry,Sir - we only have the one.'

'The house wine sir.'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

'Tartar sauce?! Heaven no. My dentist would kill me.'

'Can you recommend something good that won't look too fattening to passers-by?'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'