Dining-out Humor Appreciator Pillows

'This isn't soup of the day. Today's Tuesday.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"May we see your kids' menu please?"

'I just come here for the ambiance. The food's lousy, so ordered a pizza be delivered.'

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'

'What's your thumb doing on my steak?' 'Want me to drop it again?'

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

There's a strange mist over my food. You never heard of pea soup fog?

"How about you? Were you 'locally raised'?"

'Waiter, is it raining?' ] 'Sorry, not my table.'

"Would you like any suburbs, or just the check?"

'If you were in a hurry, sir, you shoudn't have ordered the overnight marinade.'

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

Lunch Broker

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

The Second-to-last Supper.

'The house wine sir.'

"Waiter, there are needles in my stew."

'What's the special?'

'Lobster £18.30!!!!' 'Bad reaction to seafood.'

Today's special - Ox tail soup.

"In lieu of a tip, can one of you take a shift for me?"

You complimented the chef on his dumplings-now he wishes to return the compliments!

'It's called Les Restes. It's French for leftovers.'

'I don't eat red meat.' 'This is green.'

'Yes, I'd like something to wash this wine down with!'

'How about a drink?' 'You've got gravy.'

'Is everything O.K.?'

'Yon lad's got a chip on his shoulder.' 'Aye, he's certainly a messy eater.'

Please note that our menu items have changed. For starters, press or say 1. For main courses, press or say 2. For desserts, ..........'