Diet Warrior Gifts

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I finished the whole months' diet in just five days!'

"Get off the fridge Kitty. I'm blowing the doors open."

"I've been trying to diet, but it's been up and down and up and down..."

Are you on a diet plan? I'm on several of them!

Reptile Diet Center. Did everybody stick to their diet this week? Melt! C'mon, melt!

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'Are you JOKING? There's a triple chocolate cheesecake in there!'

Cow and Pig see 'Staff' logo reflected and read it as 'Fats'.

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

Woman hugs a refrigerator before jumping off lovers leap.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

To do before Saturday...

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"I came here to get in shape, young man! What does me picking up your bar bill have to do with it?"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

Valleyview diet clinic

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

'You put him on a diet, so he put you on a diet.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."