Dieting Warrior Gifts

Spreading the Load.

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'Lie or die, sucker!'

"I knew it was time to diet when I had to binge watch the scale to see how much the needle moved."

Well, Look Who's Hungry Again

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'I think the gastric band was supposed to be in your stomach.'

'Mr Harris it looks as though you've been rushing your food again!'

No thyself.

'Here's your diet -- notice the two-minute warning.'

The low sodium diet of last resort.'

The end of hibernation.

'You are not losing weight! Put down the knife and fork and pick up the dumbbells!'

"You need to disable cookies and pizza and ice cream and..."

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

Valleyview diet clinic

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Fast Food Dieter