Diet Warriors Gifts

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

Cathy hires an armed guard to help with her diet.

'I'm giving you a powerful muscle relaxant -- that way, you won't be able to chew anything for awhile.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I'm a monster."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

Diet Cud

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'