Diet Warriors Pillows

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

"I've had enough of this diet. It's costing me to eat less."

Cathy hires an armed guard to help with her diet.

'I'm giving you a powerful muscle relaxant -- that way, you won't be able to chew anything for awhile.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I'm a monster."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Diet Cud

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'