Dieting Warriors Gifts

Not All Diets Work.

Overeaters Anonymous - Welcome New Members! What - no buffet?

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

To do before Saturday...

'Well, this is a first †he's got repetitive motion syndrome from eating!'

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'Yes, the treestand's maximum weight capacity is 300 pounds, you weigh 301 pounds.'

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Valleyview diet clinic

Sisyphus Sawyer

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I've found the blockage it looks like your gastric band!'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Motivation to Keep Fit.

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

Shrink

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

"Ready to head back?"

Woman in Restaurant has Menu and Calorie Counter.

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

'You need a heart transplant, maybe two.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Woman and scales.