Diet Conscious Warrior Gifts

"Kill something low-fat."

All Natural Nothing

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Diet Sugar House.

Diet Cud

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"