Diet Conscious Warrior Gifts

"Kill something low-fat."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

Diet Sugar House.

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Diet Cud

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"You're really serious about that diet!"

"Hey, honey. Are we ona diet again?"

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

The Diet Fairy is here to grant you three dishes. . . as long as they're under 350 calories each.