Health-conscious Warrior Gifts

Candies and diet pills

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

Hypochondriac's rule #6: take care with utensils

'It appears that Medical Science has turned down the offer of my body.'

"No, it's not a purse, it's a European shoulder bag for my diabetes supplies... and my wallet and a couple of coupons."

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.

Woman is afraid to look at her weight as she steps on scale.

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

Resisting the Virus

Coronavirus panic

"I'm weighed down with so many gadgets, I'll need a push to start me off."

"I told him he should have trained more."

Say balls to testicular cancer, remember to check your crown jewels regularly.

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'That stuff kills 98% of household germs, but leaves the remaining 2% limping around enough to maintain your resistance.'

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Unhappy, Happy, and Well Being Consultant Theatre Masks.

EXXON EXTINCTION

There's no real oil emergency...

'I told you that roof turbine salesman was too pushy.'

"...and you've got private use of it, so long as you don't exceed 10,000 mile per annum.'

Organic farm

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

Life on Earth - My soul is thin.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

A large lady is exploring the jungle as two cougars watch on - 'Remember what the doctor said Ralph... regular exercise and no fatty foods!'

'Pssst! Dump your toxic wastes?'

'It took four trees to make that sign.'

'Jenkins came back from his vacation a little too decompressed.'

"Look at it this way -- in three years your roof could leak."

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..

"Arrr! This X marks the buried treature and this X marks a safe social distance!"

Over-packaged fruit and vegetables