Digestive Health Warrior Gifts

"Large coffee and three bran muffins...hopefully to go!"

"I told him he should have trained more."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Free radicals.

Life on Earth - My soul is thin.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

The end of hibernation.

Before consuming as directed, Millennial Alice needed assurance that they would not disturb her gut health.

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

'Here's your diet -- notice the two-minute warning.'

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'You are not losing weight! Put down the knife and fork and pick up the dumbbells!'

Candies and diet pills

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"