Digestive Health Warrior Gifts

"Large coffee and three bran muffins...hopefully to go!"

"I told him he should have trained more."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

I can't believe I ate all that kale for nothing.

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Life on Earth - My soul is thin.

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

Free radicals.

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

"Sir, do you have any idea how slow you were going?"

'Why is it that laxatives always look like crap going in?'

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

'He eats his yogurt and carrot sticks out of a grease-stained brown bag to preserve his macho image.'

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

Cow and Pig see 'Staff' logo reflected and read it as 'Fats'.

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

'I hope that's olive oil. More healthy.'

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

Before consuming as directed, Millennial Alice needed assurance that they would not disturb her gut health.

"No thanks! My dad said those things will kill you!"

'Here's your diet -- notice the two-minute warning.'

"I'm taking you off sugar, carbs, red meat, poultry, dairy, non-dairy and anything served in a bucket."

'You are not losing weight! Put down the knife and fork and pick up the dumbbells!'

The end of hibernation.

Candies and diet pills