Anti-fad Diet Warrior Gifts

Gluten Cafe - For the rest of us.

Fast Food Dieter

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"This is our high-traffic, reinforced, heavy-duty model."

It took a while but Henk finally did lose his Christmas bum.

'I'm on a diet -- I just eat the brains.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"I've been on the hip and thigh diet."

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

The cake diet.

"I was just... uh... looking for the low-fat yogurt."

Healthy Eating Fast

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

Weight Loss Center on top of huge stairway used to get to the top.

'My wife has me on a very strict diet so I need a safe place to store my binge foods.'

How's the diet going? - 'The first 8 minutes has been tough.' - 'How come?' - 'I had to skip my pre-mid morning post-mini-brunch snack.' - 'I don't think I can take it anymore...' - 'Hang in there, big guy...' -

The end of hibernation.

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

'You are not losing weight! Put down the knife and fork and pick up the dumbbells!'

'Here's your diet -- notice the two-minute warning.'