Dietary Trendsetter Gifts

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Is the MSG local?"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

Too Skinny, Too Fat

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

"When did everybody stop jogging?"

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

"We've gone 'Glutton-Free'."

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

"I'm putting you on the 'Zombie Diet'. It's a no-brainer."

Avacados

"Why don't we just take photos of other people's food and order whatever gets the most Facebook likes?"

"I wonder if you folks are aware that black cod is this year's Chilean sea bass?"

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

"Yeah, and what's it to you if I am gluten free?"

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

Firewood for Sale

"Actually, kale is toxic."

"Dinner comes complete with coffee and your choice of dessert or an oil painting."

"Your posture is better, but the whole office calls you Professor Bouncy Jerk. F.Y.I."

"I stopped eating beef years ago"

''Light' beer bottles. Somewhere there's a slob on a diet.'

'Say cheese.'