Diet Jester Gifts

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'He's all eyes!'

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'Look at it this way. The Dow gained 20% or more in the last three years. That's good. You gained 20 pounds or more in the last three years. That's bad.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'The other foot also Mrs Zipsky!'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Once he stopped sticking me with needles, I felt great!'

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

I'm sick and tired of this low carb diet.

'Of course I'm on a strict diet, doc! I eat vegetarian animals only!'

'You can have the cherry...I'm on a diet.'

'The bad news is we have to amputate your liver - the good news is it'll be great with onions!'

'Leave us alone, you big bully!'

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."