Diet Jesters Gifts

"I heard today that you can gain weight if you're unhappy."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"Is that your idea of a well balanced diet"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

The Man of La Mancha,and his sidekick, the Man of La Muncha.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Stationary mountain bike.

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

'Your fat free bit, is right there, in the middle!'

"And I told them not to use lactose for the last supper..."

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

Overweight Man Crashes Through Ceiling

Rescued, at last, from quinoa

FOOD TENDED TO GO DIRECTLY TO EMILY'S EARS....

'Put the cheesecake and cappuccino on one bill and the health salad on another bill so I can show my wife that I'm watching my diet.'

'Core!'

"Tomorrow night let's switch back to gin."

'Ill have the salad. But could I have it made out of chocolate?'

My diet sheet says only one ice cream a day. (Has giant ice cream cone).

From January 1 I live off stored fat.

'YOU MAKE ME SICK!!'

News. We're supposed to eat from the food circle. It's replacing the food pyramid. It's a lot more fun to eat from the food cone!