Diet Joker Gifts

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

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"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Jim's Smart Kettle

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."