Diet Joker Gifts

Bakery. I'm trying to lose weight by eating carrot bran muffins. Ah, the fiber-optic diet!

'Nothing says congrats on a healthy new diet than an arrangement of broccoli, fruit and cauliflower!'

"I'll take a salad, add bacon bits, extra cheese, dressing, and powdered sugar, not lettuce."

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Pope tarts.

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'Chocolate never tasted so good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The doctor said it wouldn't hurt to fudge a little on my diet."

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

Jim's Smart Kettle

"An apple? Doesn't he have any pizza?"

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."