Dieting Joker Gifts

"And since when did one iddy, biddy bar of chocolate do any harm?"

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'The second day of my diet is the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Hello-BUNS OF STEEL?

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

'Look! A rock hard body in 90 days!'

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

Heavy man wants the cake and Edith too.

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

Jim's Smart Kettle

Roger couldn't understand why his diet wasn't working.

"I like the metric system. My weight in kilograms is less than my weight in pounds."

'Of course they're not working. You're not supposed to have appetite suppressants for dessert.'

'I'm hoping for a heat wave - I could afford to lose a few pounds.'

"I brought chips and cookies to snack on and baby carrots to sit unopened on the blanket."

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"Easy on the carbs, Carl."

Football crazy

"I don't need roughage that badly!"

"Look! Now they offer healthy choices we can glance at before ordering our usual junk."

"Wine and women are off but can sing as much as you like!"

Buoyancy Weight

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"How do you do it, Doris? You eat eighty pounds of grass a day, and still manage to look so slim!"

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

Warning: Eating this food could result in a decrease of health benefits

"Processed food was his undoing. He was eating a salad sandwich in the warehouse, when a pallet of pork pies fell on him!"

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'