Vegan Jesters Gifts

"Oh, I don't mind! Anything that tastes like a ten ounce, medium rare, rib-eye steak."

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Sorry, kids, I forgot we live in Michigan.'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Ostrich Farm

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

'What do you think I'm doing? The doctor told me to collect a mid stream urine specimen."

The Apis Dance Studio

"I can't stand rutabagas - couldn't you pay me for NOT growing broccoli instead?"

Turkey Hostage.

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.

Coast to coast walk.

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

"It's not as easy as it looks."

"Remember what happens in vegans stays in vegans."

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

'Sorry, pal - I don't really go for ginger blokes.'

'I told you we should have read the fine print when the accountant said we'd be getting 10,000 bucks a month in our retirement.'

'The man at the wine shop said this wine was made without any harmful chemicals, so I added them myself.'

"It's our version of the doggy bag. Permit me to take it to madam's car."

'First the sprouts, now the city...'

"Good afternoon..."

"Oh yeah, well I say you're black!"

'She's a pain in my meat by-products.'