Veggie Jesters Gifts

'First the sprouts, now the city...'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

Better Not Squash.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Hoopla!'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'No Dad, that is NOT healthy fast food!'

"When we hired you, we said we would offer a giant celery... Not a salary."

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Rabbit being eaten.

Gloria, what's a good remedy for garlicky hands? Rigatoni gloves.

"I can't stand rutabagas - couldn't you pay me for NOT growing broccoli instead?"

Turkey Hostage.

"They're veggie hot dogs but don't worry—they're made in a really gross way."

Banana Arcade Game

'Cheetah?... Boy?...Simba?... Jane?....'

"I vary her diet with a wide variety of pasta shapes."

"Every Christmas you make a lot of primises you never keep, why don't you become a politian."

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

"Remember what happens in vegans stays in vegans."

'What with Obama and all his giveaways, I'm surprised you're still in business.'

"Oh, I don't mind! Anything that tastes like a ten ounce, medium rare, rib-eye steak."

'It sounds like the Zulu Standup Comic tribe is restless tonight! I hear rimshots!'

"It's our version of the doggy bag. Permit me to take it to madam's car."

'I told you we should have read the fine print when the accountant said we'd be getting 10,000 bucks a month in our retirement.'