Veggie Jester Gifts

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

'If he grabs the broccoli, we turn on the Raffi tunes. If he heads towards the Playstation, he hit him with the air horn at 100db.'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Better Not Squash.

'Don finally figured out a way to keep the squirrels from getting at the bird feeder.'

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'That chap really knows his onions!'

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

“Children hate me.”

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"If dinner was a reality TV show broccoli would be the first thing I'd vote off!!"

The vegan hunter

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

"What would I have to do to be sent to my room without just the Brussels sprouts?"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

'Hoopla!'

The great zucchinis

It's Darth Tater!

Watering a plant in the rain.

'The salad is that expensive because we had to find a new place for the snails and worms.'

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

Still life?

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."