Veggie Jester Gifts

'Oh, I know that broccoli is good for me -- it's just that I don't feel I deserve it.'

'I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals - I'm a vegetarin because I hate plants.'

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

Don't be fooled by the theatrics. She'll only suck your sap!

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I hope we can sell everything before it's time for mom to make dinner."

Better Not Squash.

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'That chap really knows his onions!'

'Vegebals are poisonus says sciencetists'

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

“Children hate me.”

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

"If dinner was a reality TV show broccoli would be the first thing I'd vote off!!"

The vegan hunter

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

"What would I have to do to be sent to my room without just the Brussels sprouts?"

'Hoopla!'

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

The great zucchinis

Watering a plant in the rain.

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

'The salad is that expensive because we had to find a new place for the snails and worms.'

"Ruddy Japanese knotweed gets EVERYWHERE."

Still life?

'Stephen's down on the allotment, gathering in nature's bounty.'

'Mutter mutter...I was talking to my broccoli.'

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.